Dear Morning People:
We know you mean well.
Yes, you’re up and bouncing around, productive and ready to go at the drop of a snooze button. Yes, you’re alert and happy to be alive, a little songbird cheerfully twittering away in a happy little meadow. Yes, you want everyone to feel as great at 7 a.m. as you do. So you write articles about how wonderful it is to be a morning person, how to be more efficient, more productive, more energetic — how we can be morning people too.
For the love of caffeine, just freakin’ STOP.
Really, just stop. Not everyone is a morning person. Deal with it.
Some of us aren’t really awake until after at least the first cup — or pot, or 55-gallon drum — of coffee. Some of us take a couple of hours to get moving in the morning.
Personal safety tip — If you work with, or live with, someone who isn’t a morning person — DO NOT attempt to engage us in meaningful conversation until after we complete our morning coffee ritual. Trust me, we are not responsible for our actions prior to coffee intake.
And no, we don’t want to become morning people like you. We like our daily routine. We like waking up slowly and getting the day off to a gentle start — one that doesn’t involve someone trying to have a conversation with us for at least 30 minutes after we get out of bed.
Let us be for a little while in the morning, and pretty soon you’ll notice something. The closer it gets to noon, the more alert we become. We gradually get less grumpy, maybe even bordering on friendly. Our energy levels rise. By afternoon, our productivity is peaking and we’re ready to take on the world.
By evening, when you’re winding down, we’re just getting wound up. When you’re ready to doze off on the couch, we’re ready to go out dancing. And while you’ve been incessantly telling us about the wonders of sunrises and new beginnings to the day, have you ever seen the magical possibilities that midnight can bring?
Contrary to popular belief, it’s not necessary to be a morning person to be successful. Plenty of us can, and do, maximize our potential in ways that don’t require us to be chipper and cheerful at some unearthly pre-breakfast hour. So there’s no need to convert us to your schedule, thanks.
Just remember the cardinal rule: Give us some quiet time to wake up, and don’t get between us and the coffee maker. Ever.